It was our good friend's birthday on Friday. Wherever he is, God bless him and hope he is doing well. To commemorate this joyous occasion, I have cut and paste a very memorable post by an expert on the matter, Harish:
Friends this is an email leaning to the more serious side of life. Please refrain from laughter of any sort-this is not for ur amusement. There have been certain life changing events in our midst, and i wish everyone all the best during these trying and testing times.
Written in a moment of alcohol induced inspiration.
For starters, we shall spend a minute of silence for the demise of Marcelus The Goalkeeper.
Match Figures:
Shots on goal: 5
Shots on target: 3
Number of goals let in: 7
However to be fair to him, we shall proceed to examine the situation in which Mr Vertically Challenged Of The Year cemented his reputation as the World's Worst Goalie.
Goal Keeper Theory and its Analysis
A goalkeeper's capability can be examined in one simple formula developed by high profile custodians over the ages:
GK cap = [(No. saves/ No. of shots on target) x K]% where K is a constant tt depends on the defence rating
After the match, statistics show Marcellus would have had a percentage of -37.5%... don't ask me how the negative sign came into the picture, it has something to do with a 4th dimension and Einstein's Theory of Relativity ( which we shall take a closer look at later in this chapter )
a detailed report can be found on:
www.marcellusyoucansuckmydick.com
The main points of the paper are summarized as follows
MiB have an incapable defence, and midfield and attack.
Marcelllus is simply brilliant, i quote Harpreet "its just that the ball is too small"
He should change his name to Marcy since he looks and keeps goal like a woman
"I'm never going to call him again" - Satheeish
By the Theory of Relativity, he is relatively talented. Relatively. Relative to putting an ant in goal.
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