WARNING! Do not watch if you have a weak stomach!

Berbatov is taking his "lazy" approach too far..

Happy Birthday Marcellus.

It was our good friend's birthday on Friday. Wherever he is, God bless him and hope he is doing well. To commemorate this joyous occasion, I have cut and paste a very memorable post by an expert on the matter, Harish:

Friends this is an email leaning to the more serious side of life. Please refrain from laughter of any sort-this is not for ur amusement. There have been certain life changing events in our midst, and i wish everyone all the best during these trying and testing times.

Written in a moment of alcohol induced inspiration.

For starters, we shall spend a minute of silence for the demise of Marcelus The Goalkeeper.

Match Figures:
Shots on goal: 5
Shots on target: 3
Number of goals let in: 7

However to be fair to him, we shall proceed to examine the situation in which Mr Vertically Challenged Of The Year cemented his reputation as the World's Worst Goalie.

Goal Keeper Theory and its Analysis

A goalkeeper's capability can be examined in one simple formula developed by high profile custodians over the ages:
GK cap = [(No. saves/ No. of shots on target) x K]% where K is a constant tt depends on the defence rating

After the match, statistics show Marcellus would have had a percentage of -37.5%... don't ask me how the negative sign came into the picture, it has something to do with a 4th dimension and Einstein's Theory of Relativity ( which we shall take a closer look at later in this chapter )
a detailed report can be found on:
www.marcellusyoucansuckmydick.com

The main points of the paper are summarized as follows

MiB have an incapable defence, and midfield and attack.
Marcelllus is simply brilliant, i quote Harpreet "its just that the ball is too small"

He should change his name to Marcy since he looks and keeps goal like a woman

"I'm never going to call him again" - Satheeish

By the Theory of Relativity, he is relatively talented. Relatively. Relative to putting an ant in goal.

MiB Jersey 2009

Ok after having spent hours at Weston Corporation, this is what MiB has come to:

1. As decided, the kit will be an Adidas one. 2 tops, 1 shorts, 1 pair of socks. With number printing. Total cost is $70. More on money issues below.

2. The home kit is dominantly black with gold trimmings on the side. Round neck jersey. Look at the picture below. Very similar to this. Where the white is replace with gold:

3. The away kit is almost completely white top with dark blue trimmings near the collar. Round neck jersey. Look at picture below: It is the short sleeve version of this:

4. Shorts and socks will be black.

5. Money Issues. VERY IMPORTANT!

As of 21st May 2009;

MiB has $693 in its account.

MiB agents owe a total of $420.50.
They are:

Chan: $11
Dinesh: $67
Harish: $30
Rizvi: $47
Navin KK: $30
Pirakash: $56
Philbert: $40
Rooban: $30
Satheeish: $41
Maran: $68.50

(All figures are from our club treasurer Senthil Kumar)

So if all agents pay up, we will have a sum of $1113.50 with us.
Harry and Puvan have not been contributing to the fund, so they will start after we make the jerseys. As such, they will pay $70 each for the jersey first. So taking that into account;

MiB Funds has $1253.50.

Farhan, Shyam, Kevin and Munshi will be paying $70 each for their jersey. They have requested a set each and based on their support so far, we will grant them a set. So they will give us $280.

These are the kits to be printed:

Name Number Size

Munshi 1 XXL

***** 2 L

Dinesh 3 L

Puvan 4 L

Harry 5 L

Vana 6 L

Prak 7 XXL

SK 8 M

****** 9 M

Philbert 10 L

Maran 11 L

PP 13 L

Rooban 14 M

Shyam 15 M

Sat 16 L

Kevin 17 L

KK 18 M

Chan 19 M

Anan 20 XL

Harish 21 M

Farhan 22 L

Riz 23 XXL

Harvey 25 L

So if you can count, there are 23 sets altogether. We will be producing 2 extra sets (those marked with ***) so that players who come on match day (eg. Kumaran, Suresh etc.) will look uniform and we will then take turns to wash the jersey and bring for the next match.

So that makes it 23 sets x $70 = $1610

Hence, doing our maths, MiB is now short of 1610 - 1253.50 - 280 = $77.

So this is what's gonna happen.

a. Those who need to clear your debts, please please please do so. SMS or call SK, find out his POSB account number, and transfer the cash to him. If you guys do not do that, then we will not be able to buy jerseys.

b. (SK take note) Each MiB member is to contribute $10 to SK, again look at "a" above and do what you need to do. SO those who owe money, add $10 to what you owe and transfer SK the cash. To us who are not in debt, just transfer $10. Puvan and Harry, you guys need to give also, so we will collect $80 from you one shot. Harry you come back then pay us. Dinesh you too.

So that's that guys. Once SK gives me the green light, I will place the orders. Expect to be wearing your new kits in 1 months' time, IF all goes well.

Thank you.

New Jerseys

Ok guys it really is time we got new jerseys. A lot of us are coming to game looking disjointed and as we prepare to play games more regularly, I think now is a good time to finalise the new jersey.

As such, 3 very important polls have been put up on the right. Please vote wisely it will affect the near future of MiB.

Numbers for the jerseys will remain the same as per now. UNLESS, you want to change. If you do, please indicate at the bottom under "COMMENTS". View example.

Money for the jerseys will come from the MiB fund. For those who have outstanding amounts, no jersey will be issued until you clear your debts.

We will also make some spare sets for players who come and play for us. We will collect the spare after the game and take turns to wash. For those who come regularly (like Farhan, Shyam), we can charge them a one time fee for the cost of the jersey set.

So to confirm, MiB will print 2 tops, 1 shorts and 1 pair of socks. Shorts and socks will be black. Easy and standard.

Please come to Peninsula on Thursday at 5pm to make selection and payment.

Luckily it's not MiB Rugby Club!!

Maran Nets a Hat Trick as MiB Romp to 5-1 Win

After a few tight affairs, MiB FC met an opponent at Commonwealth Secondary that could not even keep to the 3pm kick off time. It was a sign of things to come when MiB was ready to play and so was the ref, but only 2 of the opponents were at the field desperately trying to contact their teammates. Luckily enough, they showed up and the game kicked off at about 340pm.

The field was quite small and very narrow. That was a potential banana skin but MiB soon settled down and started to create chances. We only started the game with 10 players despite the promise of having up to 4 reserves before the match. Thanks to last minute cancellations, we started the match a man down. Harvey was in goal whilst a defence of Harish, Navin PP, Riz and SK made up the backline. Chan, Vana, Sat and Shyam were in midfield while Maran ploughed the line up front. Indeed it was Maran who had a couple of early chances with Chan doing well to switch the play. The opponents had a couple of decent opportunities but obviously forgot to learn the offside rule.

Around the 12th minute mark, a good move found Vana and he set up Maran who finished first time to give MiB the lead. A few minutes later Prak answered a late call to join the defence and so we were back to full strength. We continued to enjoy the possession and chances but there was a feeling MiB was playing according to the opponents tempo, which was to be slow and dreary. It was a scrappy affair and the score remained the same till half time.

The opponents came out in the second half with gusto and forced a couple of scares for our defence. A corner kick sailed straight through and from another set piece, the ball was only half-punched by Harvey, which resulted in the opponents capitalising and making it 1-1. This seemed to wake MiB up and ditch the tempo which we had been playing in. We stepped it up and off a free kick, beautifully floated in by Chan, Maran headed the ball into the bottom corner to leave the keeper with no chance. Then off a long range shot dealt with by Harvey, his long kick found Maran who set up Chan. A swivel and typical rasping shot made it 3-1.

The opponents tried to hit back with some long balls causing confusion in the MiB defence. Riz tried to be clever and dribble his way from defence but was caught in possession. The opponents striker banged in a shot that Harvey managed to get a fingertip to. The ball cannonned off the cross bar and on the line, but thankfully for MiB did not go in.

With another breakaway, Chan found Maran, who made mee goreng- kway teow of the defence before claiming his hat trick in style. There was also time for Vana to miss an open goal that a stray dog might have scored. And finally a couple of minutes before the end, a good move by MiB saw Sat break away and score after a long absence in the goal scoring charts.

All in all a good win for MiB. Heartening to see the goals fly in and if we had played to our tempo from the start, Riz could have left for Block 88 and come back and nobody would have noticed. The only disappointment was the last minute pull outs. I understand that everyone has a lot of other commitments, but if you say yes to a game, please try to make it. Sat even put his exam on the line to play the game so big heads up to him.

We will now take a break with Harvey on holiday in Malacca. Time to give your knees and wallet a breather. Next game will be coming up soon. Till then, please try to keep fit and drink less.=)

Match on Saturday 17th May 2009

Venue: Commonwealth Secondary School. Go to http://www.gothere.sg/ if you need help. I heard the pitch is a little small so it might be a fast and furious kinda game.

Meeting Time: 2.15pm. Guys we saw how important it is to come early and kick around a little bit at least before kick off. Please adhere to the time listed here.

Team so far: Harvey, Chan, Harish, Maran, Shyam, Farhan, Suresh, Vana, Sat, Navin PP, Riz, SK. Maybe: KK and Vana's brother. Prak got driving he might try to come.

Price: 70 per team. If all stipulated above turn up it's about 5 per person.

Attire: Bring BOTH white and yellow tops. Black shorts. Black socks.

Pre-match News: The last match saw MiB put up a very creditable show despite the loss. But there is no point if we do not learn the lessons from the game and apply them in the next one. A 3pm kick off might mean hotter weather so please be prepared. Come early for warm up. Just a few points I noted from the video of the previous game:

1. The ball to the strikers. Many a time when we get the ball and are attacking, we tend to want to pass the ball straight to the striker. In primary school football that will work cos the striker will control and dribble everyone and score. But as you move to a higher level this will not work. Instead, look to pass into the space in front of the striker, behind the defender, so that he can make the run and look to score. So your weight of the ball and vision is key. But simply put, play to space.

2. Wingers. When our wingers got the ball (Suresh, Vana, Chan, Shyam) we tended to keep looking to cut in, eventhough there is a good 50metres of space behind the full back. So when u get the ball, look to run straight, not towards the goal. This way you stretch the defence and create more space for the strikers.

3. Prak's breathing in the video. Either that was you or there was a T-Rex behind you Prak.

MIB v.s. PSA CLUB 09May09

I'm afraid the 2nd disc was not recording for some reason. Therefore only the first 20 minutes and the final 10 minutes of the match are here.

For review of match, please refer to "Helds held high despite narrow defeat" post below.

Man of the Match: HARVEY

This guy learnt everything he knows from MRJ..

Shaquille O Neal imitating the great MRJ

Heads held high as MiB suffer narrow defeat

MiB FC suffered a minor setback today as they were beaten 2-1 by a team calling themselves PSA Club, but made up of former NUS and NTU players, plus some former semi-professional players who used to ply their trade in the NFL leagues in Singapore. Most would say a defeat is still a defeat and although that statement is true, if one were to watch a video of the game (will be up soon thanks Sat!) and look at both teams, it would be fair to say a 2-1 defeat was a moral and psychological victory on MiB's part.

A 5pm kickoff and a very good pitch at the PSA club greeted MiB as we welcomed back Chan into the line up. Harvey was in goal while PP replaced the sick Prak in the centre of defence with Riz. SK was at left back hoping to build on his 2 great games before this, while Shyam (Maran's colleague) was at right back. Suresh (NTU boy) was on the right wing, Chan on the left side, while Vana and Farhan played in the centre. Sat supported Maran in attack. Kumaran and Prak were on the sidelines.

The FAS took this game as an opportunity to assess some of their junior referees so the decisions were not the best at times, but that's not to take anything away from an entertaining and absorbing game. The opponents lined up in a 4-4-2 system and were organized and very fit. Let's put it this way, if you were to average out their fitness, you can say there were 11 Chandras on their team, that is no exaggeration. And they had one Indian guy in their team that if he started running, no one in MiB would have been able to catch him, maybe Philbert on his bike might have had a chance.

The game started in predictable fashion as the PSA team launched attack after attack into our box, thinking that they were going to steam-roll past us. A few decent saves by Harvey bred some confidence into MiB, who learnt a lot about ourselves in this game. Around the 10th minute mark the opponents broke through. A long ball was being shepherded out by SK who lost concentration and allowed the right-winger to steal the ball off him. He ran towards the box and squared the ball. MiB still had a chance to clear but a ricochet took the ball to their striker and with 2 teammates to pass to tap in for an empty goal, he slammed the ball past Harvey leaving him no chance. 1-0. Was an avalanche about to start?

This is where MiB's character and never say die attitude came to the fore with each and every player running his heart out and trying to salvage some pride against opponents who were much more skilful than us. A good move involving Chan and Vana put the latter through, but with just the keeper to beat, he dragged his shot wide. Another move saw Suresh cut in and try to play Kumaran through but the ball was intercepted. Another long ball saw Chan try to find Maran, but the ball was too close to the keeper. But he made a total hash out of it and if Maran had been a little bit more alert, it might have been 1-1. A cross by Chan then saw the keeper miss the ball completely but Suresh took his eye of the ball and if he hadn't, the empty goal was waiting for him.

But despite MiB's pressure, the opponents looked dangerous everytime they attacked. Their ability to switch wings with long diagonal balls was something MiB was having lots of difficulty dealing with. Also their ability to pin through balls behind our back line saw Harvey rush out and clear with his feet and head many times in the game. SK was finding things difficult with the opponents right winger a fast and physical player, but our star left back was being hindered by the Briyani he ate for lunch, a lesson which hopefully the rest of MiB heed for all future games. To be honest, a scoreline of 5-0 would not have flattered the opponents as they tore MiB apart at times. Harvey made 3 crucial saves, they hit the post once, missed some glorious chances and in one instance, a point blank save from Harvey rebounded nicely for the striker, whose shot was saved on the line by Riz, came back to the striker, PP dived at his feet and saved the shot again, and Riz finally managed to clear. It was heroic defending. PP then felt his knee go and Sat moved back to partner Riz, and Chan switched places with Vana, which resulted in Kumaran and Maran in attack.

Just as it seemed that a 1-0 scoreline would be acceptable at half time, MiB had a corner of our own. We unnecessarily threw too many men up front and when the corner was cleared, it was a case of 4 against 2. Harvey managed to save again, but from the resulting corner, PSA scored. Once again a series of ricochets saw the ball reach the edge of the box. A hopeful lob saw their striker in acres of space, with more than a hint of offside. He was not missing this chance and slammed the ball past Harvey. Half time 2-0.

Some wise words were said at half time, with Chan and Harvey trying to use their experience to gee up the boys. The effort was not lacking, with Farhan running himself to the ground, but it was a case of being too nice and not leaving their marks on the opponents. We also felt PSA had a defence and goalie that could be exploited and the game plan in the second half was to have a real go at them. A tactical reshuffle saw PP at left back, Suresh at right back, Sat and Riz in the centre. Vana and Shyam on the wings, Chan and Farhan in the centre. Maran and Kumaran continued upfront.

The second half saw the same kind of pressure but MiB was tackling much harder and making sure their opponents knew they were in a game. The speedy Gonzalez I mentioned earlier was now on the right wing and he was coming up against PP. In one attack, he took the ball past PP, who lunged in and gave the guy a solid whack. From the free kick, they looked for him again, and PP made sure that guy will never forget him. The ref showed PP a yellow card, but PP insists he never touched him. It was almost like Prak saying he never liked C**ryl.

MiB was combatting much better now and the opponents were starting to run out of ideas. We became more confident with our attacks and grew into the game much better. Riz felt fatigued and so for the first time in history, Chan partnered Sat in defence. Imagine that. A few more good saves from Harvey kept the scoreline at 2-0 and the opponents were getting frustrated for they wanted to rub our faces into the mud but we did not let them. In one MiB counter, neat interplay from Vana, Shyam and Maran saw Maran loop a hopeful shot into goal. It was almost as though time stood still. The goalie made a real hash of it, and Kumaran was there, with Prak's no.7 jersey, to tap in to make it 2-1! The opponents looked as though they had just seen a ghost. Now there was hope for MiB!

The opponents threw more men forward as MiB brought SK and Prak into the game to hang on in defence, and launch counters of our own. The gameplan was working to perfection as SK and Kumaran had decent attempts on goal. At the other end, there were a few more close shaves but last ditch defending and good goalkeeping kept MiB in the game. With less than 5 minutes to go, Riz pounced on a loose ball by their defence. With the goalie totally out of position, Riz decided to have a long shot. With that one kick, Riz would have set off such scenes of jubilation and perhaps even have cured the Swine flu, but he missed by inches, much to our disappointment, but he was not too bothered because he thought the score was 3-1 and it was meagrely a consolation. Sigh.

There were a few nasty incidents towards the end with Shyam going in hard, but that's the way we needed to play and no doubt the opponents felt worse with the final scoreline than we did. The game ended 2-1, with Farhan being stretchered off, that was the kind of passion and determination showed by the whole team. Maran ran his duxton off as a lone striker while Sat could not even finish his dinner, it was really that bad. But we left the pitch with our heads held high for we ensured that our superior opponents did not have things their own way. Perhaps with Dinesh, Puvan, Navin KK and Harry, we might have put up an even better show, and MiB can only feel pride in this result.

So with 3 games in 3 weeks, MiB has started to play regular football again, and I personally feel that paying $10 per game is worth it, and we could even put the MiB fund on hold if we continue to contribute this way. Our gameplay has also improved and no doubt about it so has our fitness. Let's keep it going guys. The aches in your body show that you are working your muscles. Go for an easy run or take a dip in the pool to relax and see the difference.

And one more thing, no Briyani before the game.

MiB Thriller at Braddel

Match on Saturday 9th May 2009

Venue: PSA Club. It is near Harbourfront and quite close to the ferry terminal we took to go to Pulau Bukom for the SHELL chalets. From Harbourfront take 188, 10, 30, 143 and get down a handful of stops later. Go to http://www.gothere.sg/ if you need help.

Meeting Time: 4.15pm

Team so far: Harvey, Riz, Prak, SK, PP, Maran, Vana, Chan, Sat, Shyam, Farhan. I am still waiting for Bert and Harish to get back to me. Puvan and KK are sick. Rooban are you coming to film?

Price: 120 per team. (Inclusive of showering facilities with hot water so bring your stuff. I also heard refreshments will be provided but please bring one big bottle of mineral water each)

Attire: Bring BOTH white and yellow tops. Black shorts. Black socks.

Pre-match News: Last match saw MiB triumph 1-0 in a hard fought game. The 5pm kick off will hopefully bring nicer weather and we also welcome back Chan into the team, unless something crops up last minute. From what I heard, the pitch is very good so let's enjoy it and have a good game. The opponents are also pretty decent so let's be on time and warm up properly and stuff.

Funniest thing on Youtube Ever

MiB Lookalikes!! Part 8. I am really sorry Sat.

Having done a database search of who in MiB will look like Sam Anderson, this is what my computer churned out. With a little bit more weight, and the moustache again, Sam Anderson will look like................

Do you agree?????

The End of Himesh - Sam Anderson spells Himesh's doom

Anyone know where to buy that orange long sleeve shirt or that cap?

MiB Edge "Thriller" At Braddell

MiB FC today recorded a third successive clean sheet as they held out to beat a team of Ah Bengs 1-0 at the old abandoned Braddell-Westlake Field. To say that looking for the place was the hardest thing some players had to do all afternoon might have been pushing it, but MiB was not extended beyond its capacity in coming up with this victory.

Harvey lined up in goal while Riz and Prak continued their partnership in central defence from the last game. SK was at left back again while SK's fren, Guna, covered the right side of defence. Sat and Farhan (Maran's colleague) were in the centre of midfield while Maran and Shyam (another Maran's colleague) played on the wings. Vana partnered Munshi, yes Munshi, in attack initially, before Philbert joined the game midway through the first half. Harish was also given a run out as he was still nursing an ankle injury so it was good to see that we had some subs in the sapping heat.

Navin PP was "sick", whatever that means, and Rooban partnered him in recording the game for us to analysze and see our bellies after the game. In true cinematic brilliance, they missed the goal, and all the best moments of the game. However, they managed to get a real close up on the grill railing by the side of the field and PP even had time to join in a scuffle in the second half.

The game started off in typical slow fashion but MiB slowly started taking control of the play. The opponents only 2 dangermen was a left legged skilful player who had no support, and a Paul Dickov wannabe who went round kicking everyone but when he was tackled himself he rolled around and clutched his shoulder, knee, belly, toe etc.. In one moment of the 2nd half SK clattered him, and as the Beng stood up to confront SK, SK gave him a cold hard look, something Undertaker would have been proud of, that will surely give that short-fart some sleepless nights.

Back to the game, after Harvey had comfortably dealt with a free kick, a good through ball by Sat released Maran, but with only the keeper to beat, shot too straight at him and could not break the deadlock. The opponents poured forward with some long balls and early crosses into the box which saw the alert SK defending well. Then about 15 minutes before half time, a good move saw Maran cross the ball, for Bert to dummy, and Vana lashing in the ball near the edge of the box to give the keeper no chance. 1-0! After that MiB sustained the pressure with long range efforts from Maran and Harish, and also Munshi came close when his determination saw him reach a hopeful ball and claw his way to goal, only to be denied by a defender on the line. Just as Mib thought they were going into the half time break with a lead, the moment of the match happened. A through ball saw MiB's defence split wide open but the striker took a heavy touch and Harvey dashed out of goal. Sensing the striker was more interested in kicking him than the ball, Harvey went in feet first, only to see the ball deflect of the striker's nose and heading towards goal. The striker then chased after the ball hoping to blow it into the open goal but he slip n fell. Senthil Kumar, he deserves his full name to be mentioned here, sensed this moment and made a lung-bursting dash back to the goal line. His fellow defenders Sat and Riz had more than given up at this point already. With the striker regaining his balance and SK closing in on him, our star left back slid in and scooped the ball from under the cross bar in a miraculous challenge. This spurred Rizvi to make sure SK's efforts were not in vain and ensure the move was finally broken down. Half time 1-0 MiB survive!

The second half saw MiB adopt a formation of 4-2-4, with our wingers deciding chasing back was too unglamorous and left the defence to cope with the waves of opponent pressure. But to our defence credit, Sat and Riz held up well winning lots of important headers, and needless to say, SK was not letting a fly past him today. We had our fair chances to score again too with Maran striking the crossbar after lobbing over the onrushing goalie, but we failed to convert time and time again, and lived dangerously till the final whistle. Harvey dealt quite comfortably with most crosses into the box but the opponents did break through once, with the left-legged striker blazing over with just Harvey to beat.

So the game ended 1-0, with some heated discussions here and there. Needless to say Navin had to get his blood pressure rising (Note: Number of games Navin has played for MiB: ~ 6-7. Number of scuffles he has gotten into in those games: 67). But we saw it through and celebrated another clean sheet, setting a new MiB record of 3 clean sheets, which had not happened since the time Maran was still a virgin.

Good games from our supporting cast. Hopefully we don't have to change our names to MiB + Maran's Colleagues FC, and the likes of Puvan, KK and Chan recover to play for our humble team again.